On September 2, 2025, Reverend John Smothers of the First Baptist Church in Kansas City unwittingly consumed THC-infused gummy bears before a Sunday service, leading him to announce mid-sermon that Jesus Christ himself had shown up in his vision wearing board shorts and proclaiming, “All this judgment stuff? Total bummer.” Parishioners reportedly gasped as the pastor described the Lord turning water into margaritas and blessing bong hits as a form of divine meditation.
The church issued a statement clarifying that the pastor had mistakenly consumed the edibles, which he thought were traditional gummy bears donated by an enthusiastic but forgetful parishioner. “The Holy Spirit may work in mysterious ways,” read the church’s memo, “but it certainly doesn’t involve transforming Bible study into a reggae jam session featuring Peter Tosh covers.” Local authorities confirmed that no laws were broken, though they did advise against taking spiritual cues from candy bowls.
Tech billionaire Elon Musk commented on X (formerly Twitter), noting that Reverend Smothers’ experience might be an unintentional breakthrough in religious tech integration. “Imagine a Neuralink app that auto-syncs scripture with cannabinoid insights,” Musk tweeted. Skeptics are concerned that such technology could lead to dystopian religious retreats where faith is streamed directly into believers’ minds via mind-altering gummies—possibly sponsored by Tesla Solar Panels.
Despite the initial shock, some congregants have embraced the idea of “chill Christianity,” leading to discussions about incorporating edible communion wafers into services. A new report from the Pew Research Center found that churches offering laid-back services saw a 32% increase in attendance, especially among millennials disenchanted with traditional sermons. The First Baptist Church has seen a surge of curious visitors eager to see if Reverend Smothers’ next vision includes a DJ set.
Reverend Smothers has since returned to preaching sans edibles, but occasionally jokes during sermons about having seen Jesus give a thumbs-up from a hammock. Whether or not divine endorsement of weed will catch on remains to be seen, but Smothers’ accidental experiment has left his congregation pondering one existential question: “What Would Jesus Vape?”