In a surprising turn of events on September 2, 2025, Satan himself was pulled over for speeding through a school zone in Palo Alto. Police records reveal that the Prince of Darkness was clocked at a blistering 666 mph, narrowly missing PTA moms and their overpriced SUVs. When questioned, Satan blamed a faulty GPS system that he claimed had mistakenly recalibrated due to “infernal interference.” The officers, unfazed by his fiery charisma, issued him a citation and advised him to slow down around elementary schools.
The local authorities released a statement confirming the incident and assuring the public that Satan was cooperative during the stop. “He was actually quite pleasant,” said Officer Jenkins, who wrote the ticket. “I mean, considering he’s the Lord of Hell and all. He even joked about offering us eternal youth if we let him off with a warning. We politely declined.” The DMV is reportedly working on revoking his underworld driver’s license as per their ‘all beings, all realms’ policy.
This isn’t the first time supernatural figures have tangled with technology. In recent years, Bigfoot’s social media accounts were banned for violating terms of service by promoting herbal remedies of questionable origin. Meanwhile, Elon Musk’s Neuralink reportedly tested a new chip that inadvertently opened portals to alternate dimensions during beta trials in a yet-unexplained incident dubbed “The Multiverse Glitch.” Experts suggest that these glitches are only going to increase as the tech industry races toward even less comprehensible innovations.
According to tech analysts, Satan’s GPS malfunction highlights a growing concern over data privacy in high-stakes mystical environments. Recent studies show that over 70% of infernal beings experience data breaches on Earth-based devices annually. The satellite company responsible for his GPS, HellNav™, has promised to release an update aimed at preventing navigational disruptions in demonic contexts. However, users have already reported bizarre side effects including spontaneous combustion of dashboard ornaments and screens displaying cryptic Latin messages.
As this story continues to develop, some residents are wondering if this marks a new era where mythical figures will increasingly interact with our digital world. A local mother quipped outside an elementary school: “If even Satan can’t trust his GPS, what hope do the rest of us have?” It’s either a sign of end times or just another day in Silicon Valley; only time will tell.