In an unexpected twist during Sunday service at St. Ignatius Cathedral in San Francisco, Father Michael O’Reilly inadvertently broadcasted audio from the adult website Pornhub over the church’s PA system. The mishap occurred just as he began discussing the sanctity of marriage, with moans echoing around the hallowed halls, much to the shock—and perhaps secret […]
In a surprising turn of events on September 2, 2025, Satan himself was pulled over for speeding through a school zone in Palo Alto. Police records reveal that the Prince of Darkness was clocked at a blistering 666 mph, narrowly missing PTA moms and their overpriced SUVs. When questioned, Satan blamed a faulty GPS system […]
In a stunning display of wealth and strategic entrepreneurialism, tech billionaire Elon Buffenstein has purchased the entire continent of Antarctica from an undisclosed alien government. Mere hours after the transaction, Buffenstein listed ‘genuine Antarctic snow’ on eBay at a starting bid of $10,000 per scoop. Sources inside Buffenstein’s operation suggest this move is part of […]
In an unprecedented twist, a man has reportedly set up permanent residence in an IKEA display room in Burbank, California, cleverly evading staff detection for months with the help of AI-generated disguises. Patrons initially thought he was part of an avant-garde marketing campaign, until a night shift employee stumbled upon him in a compromising position […]
In an unprecedented turn of events, a San Fernando Valley man who claims to have emotionally bankrupt himself watching countless step-sibling porn videos, has sued Pornhub for false advertising. Jasper Tuttle, a local plumber turned self-proclaimed “step-sibling enthusiast,” alleges that the site’s videos not only over-promise sexual chemistry but also left him with an unrealistic […]
In an unexpected twist straight out of a reality show fever dream, Max, a four-year-old golden retriever with a notorious penchant for humping parked police cars, has been elected mayor of Portland, Maine. The city awoke on Monday to the realization that their new leader spends most of his day sniffing butts and chomping on […]
In a shocking turn of events, the serene aisles of the Brooklyn Spiritual Emporium were disrupted when a woman was caught attempting to smuggle an impressive array of dildos into her oversized trench coat. Local police reports from September 02, 2025, indicate that the suspect, who identified herself only as ‘Enlightened Luna,’ claimed the shoplifting […]
In a shocking turn of events at a Walmart parking lot in Wichita, Kansas, local punk musician Davey “Decibel” Delgado has accumulated a staggering 400 noise complaints in just one night. Blasting an ear-splitting fusion of grindcore and slam poetry, Davey claims he was merely conducting an “experimental sound therapy session.” Witnesses reported seeing him […]
In a stunning development that has left San Francisco tech circles buzzing and local law enforcement baffled, 29-year-old software engineer Brad Johnson reportedly microdosed LSD until he inadvertently invented a new, more potent form of crack cocaine. Johnson, who works at a prominent AI startup, claims the breakthrough came during an unusually intense all-night coding […]
September 02, 2025, Boston – In a shocking twist, MIT researchers announced today that beer, particularly when consumed in bars featuring black-market live goat strip shows, is more effective than traditional therapy. According to the study, the ambiance of such establishments, combined with cheap, flat beer, provides a euphoric effect rivaling that of a year’s […]