In a mind-boggling twist of human innovation meets indulgence, ai enthusiast and amateur chemist Doug Blanchard was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center after attempting to vape his sister’s wedding cake. The extravagant affair in Beverly Hills took an unexpected turn when Blanchard tried to impress the guests by converting a three-tiered fondant masterpiece into aerosol […]
In a shocking turn of events that puts the notorious Sex Pistols to shame, the punk band Rotten Appendixes has canceled their upcoming show at the legendary CBGB’s in New York City after every single member contracted the same rare STD from a seemingly innocent groupie from the Outer Boroughs. The disease, humorously dubbed ‘Gonorrhea […]
In a bizarre turn of events at the San Diego Zoo, a local punk rocker was banned indefinitely after instigating a chaotic mosh pit with the chimpanzee exhibit. Witnesses report that the incident occurred when 25-year-old Gavin ‘Rattail’ Morrison, fueled by an afternoon bender and an anarchist spirit, vaulted into the enclosure, challenging the primates […]
In a shocking turn of events at St. Elizabeth’s Academy in Newark, New Jersey, 16-year-old Derrick ‘Thrash’ Thompson was expelled yesterday after inciting a circle pit during choir practice. Eyewitnesses claim that what began as a routine rendition of ‘Ave Maria’ quickly devolved into mosh mayhem when Thompson, donning a spiked leather jacket and combat […]
In a shocking turn of events on September 2, 2025, a local grandmother from Des Moines, Iowa, has been permanently banned from the Merle Hay Walmart after she was caught riding a mobility scooter through the aisles completely naked. Witnesses described the scene as chaotic yet strangely liberating, with the spry octogenarian yelling about “freedom […]
PORTLAND, OR – In a move that shocked absolutely no one familiar with the anarchistic subculture, a local punk house known affectionately as ‘The Vomit Comet’ was declared a biohazard this week after officials discovered 40 kegs left fermenting in a shower stall, turning the entire bathroom into a frothy ocean of stale beer and […]
In a groundbreaking act of guerrilla art that has raised eyebrows and lowered airline stock prices, a local punk was apprehended for spray painting an impressive phallus on the wing of a United Airlines jet at Los Angeles International Airport. The arrest came after passengers aboard Flight 69 to New York City reported witnessing the […]
In a bathroom somewhere in the seedy underbelly of Los Angeles, punk band The Feedback Frenzy has released an album so aggressively loud that it caused a temporary shutdown of the entire California power grid. According to eyewitnesses, the band was just finishing their third track, “Electric Orgasm,” when a shower of sparks erupted from […]
In an audacious attempt that screamed either bravery or lunacy, a Los Angeles man was rushed to the hospital after trying to vape the contents of an entire public pool, possibly fueled by an overdose of creativity and perhaps a splash of LSD. The man, Jake “VapeLord” Thompson, 34, was discovered half-naked and slippery as […]
Portland’s indie music scene found itself in a full-blown existential crisis when bassist Mike “Thud” Thompson announced he was joining a Nickelback tribute band, raising more eyebrows than an orgy at a nun’s retreat. The revelation came as Thompson, in an impromptu press conference held at a strip club turned vegan cafe, declared his love […]