In a bold move that reeks of rebellion and yesterday’s Chinese takeout, Ratface, a self-proclaimed anarchist, has declared a dumpster behind Portland’s notorious strip club, Casa Diablo, as his new “luxury loft” as of September 02, 2025. With a collection of stolen milk crates and a used mattress undoubtedly infused with questionable bodily fluids, Ratface […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unexpected twist, 82-year-old Margaret “Grammy” Thompson has become the unlikely star of the electronic dance music scene after a freak accident involving her grandson’s DJ equipment and a highly potent marijuana edible. Within minutes of accidentally ingesting the potent treat, Grammy found herself behind the decks at Los Angeles’ […]
In Tallahassee, Florida, Mildred Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother known for her knitting and sharp tongue, unwittingly launched a sexual revolution during her weekly bake sale when her cannabis brownies turned into a potent aphrodisiac. Within moments of consumption, the church hall was transformed into a scene that could only be described as Fifty Shades of […]
In a bewildering twist befitting the chaotic energy of San Francisco’s underground scene, local punk rocker Johnny ‘Blaze’ Thompson was apprehended late last night for attempting to smoke weed out of a fire extinguisher at the legendary dive bar, The Slippery Slope. Authorities stumbled upon Thompson mid-puff, eyes glazed and reeking of both marijuana and […]
In an unprecedented turn of events, a Golden Retriever named Biscuit was apprehended while attempting to shoplift beef bones from the local Petco on September 2, 2025. Witnesses report that Biscuit had cunningly used his tail to distract the cashier while nonchalantly sliding a prime rib chew into his collar. The incident, captured on a […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Walmart parking lot gig last Friday, local guitarist Jimmy “Skidmark” Thompson announced he had signed an exclusive sponsorship deal with Axe Body Spray, complete with a signature scent called “Eau de Dumpster Fire.” The once-beloved shredder stunned fans by performing his entire set clad only in a […]
NEW YORK, NY — Chaos erupted outside a downtown Manhattan club yesterday when The Filthy Rebellion, infamous for their on-stage nudity and pyrotechnic condom balloons, were forced to cancel their upcoming ‘Molotov Cocktail Party’ tour. Their legendary tour van, affectionately called ‘The Rusty Screw,’ failed its emissions test after belching out clouds of black smoke […]
In a shocking display of creativity, a high school student from Lincoln High in Portland, Oregon, was expelled today after authorities discovered his bathroom break involved a quick hit from the makeshift bong hidden within his science fair volcano. The eruption of controversy began when the teacher, Mrs. Thorne, noticed an unusual smell wafting through […]
In what can only be described as a full-frontal assault on tech privacy, a local punk known simply as “Gutter” was arrested in Mountain View, California after repeatedly mooning a Google Street View car while waving a giant inflatable dildo. As the car rolled by, Gutter screamed, “Capture this data!” The spectacle, witnessed by stunned […]
In an unprecedented move that left several bureaucrats mildly buzzed from secondhand contact highs, the U.S. National Park Service has declared a notorious punk house in Gainesville, Florida, a national landmark due to its uniquely intoxicating aroma of stale beer, weed, and a hint of cosmic regret. Dubbed ‘Stankonia’ by both residents and occasional squatters […]