In a surprising twist of divine intervention or sheer stoner ingenuity, a local man attempting to smuggle weed into the Vatican inadvertently started a new religion on September 2, 2025. The man, identified only as ‘Brother Buzz’, hid several grams of high-quality cannabis within the pages of a Holy Bible, ironically turning the Good Book […]
In a stunning turn of events, 82-year-old Mildred Thompson from Topeka, Kansas was arrested yesterday after authorities uncovered a fully operational meth lab in her basement. When questioned about the illicit operation, Thompson nonchalantly explained that she was simply supplementing her “bingo money.” Neighbors were stunned but noted her recent prowess at the weekly church […]
In a shocking turn of events, the punk band ‘Toilet Rebellion’ made Grammy history by clinching the award for Best New Album, an accolade earned entirely from recording in the putrid confines of a gas station bathroom. Located just off I-95 in Newark, New Jersey, the band’s creative sanctuary featured artistic elements such as a […]
In an unexpected twist, the underground music scene of Portland has been thrown into chaos as local drummer Max ‘Thunderstick’ Thompson announced his departure from the band The Gutterbugs to pursue a full-time career as a sex toy influencer. Known for his frantic beats and the uncanny ability to play while flipping off hecklers, Thunderstick […]
PORTLAND, OR—In the early hours of Sunday, a fire erupted at The Broken Needle punk house, ignited by a malfunctioning sex toy plugged into an overloaded power strip that also powered a neon “anarchy” sign. As the fire spread, residents found themselves in a spirited debate—should they save the few remaining shreds of dignity by […]
In a bizarre twist of fate straight out of a porn parody, a punk rocker from Portland, Oregon has unintentionally catalyzed a military coup in the small nation of San Tabasco. It all started when Billy “Razor” McClintock, known for his Mohawk and devotion to ramen noodles, signed up for the U.S. Army because he […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Los Angeles Department of Motor Vehicles, a local punk rocker was apprehended for inciting a full-scale circle pit in the middle of the waiting area on September 2, 2025. Witnesses reported the chaos began shortly after the man, clad in a leather jacket with the slogan “DMV […]
September 02, 2025 — In a shocking turn of events, the legendary punk band Slap Happy disbanded after guitarist Johnny ‘Fingerblaster’ McGee discovered a new addiction to Fortnite porn. Fans are bewildered as McGee reportedly locked himself in his Brooklyn apartment for a three-day bender, surviving only on Red Bull and microwave burritos while exploring […]
A quiet evening at a local Waffle House in Augusta, Georgia, turned into an unexpected spectacle when Agnes Worthington, a spry 82-year-old grandmother, clinched the top prize in the venue’s impromptu wet t-shirt contest. Diners were initially confused when they heard the DJ announce over the sizzling hash browns that a senior citizen had outperformed […]
In a shocking turn of events at a Walmart parking lot in Wichita, Kansas, local punk musician Davey “Decibel” Delgado has accumulated a staggering 400 noise complaints in just one night. Blasting an ear-splitting fusion of grindcore and slam poetry, Davey claims he was merely conducting an “experimental sound therapy session.” Witnesses reported seeing him […]