On August 12, 2025, scientists at CERN reported an unexpected anomaly during a routine experiment involving particle collisions. The Large Hadron Collider, known for its groundbreaking research, inadvertently opened a portal to a parallel dimension where humanity has thrived without conflict, poverty, or the need for pineapple on pizza. Researchers were baffled when an envoy […]
NEW YORK – Economists across the political spectrum urged Americans on Friday not to panic-buy or stockpile staples, arguing that hoarding worsens price spikes and strains distribution networks already stretched by weather-related delays, as they ran to Costco “just to pick up a few things”. A joint advisory circulated by the Council of Economic Advisers […]
BERLIN – In a move insiders are calling “strategically dystopian,” TikTok on Friday laid off its entire German Trust & Safety team and replaced them with a hastily assembled combination of a malfunctioning AI named Moddy and a rotating crew of remote moderators recruited via a Craigslist post titled “Like Trauma? Work From Home!” The […]
On August 12, 2025, world leaders gathered in Geneva for the Annual Blame Each Other for Everything Summit, a time-honored tradition where heads of state deliberate global issues, while simultaneously accusing one another of intergalactic potato theft. Delegates from over 150 countries are expected to air grievances, alongside the customary exchange of inflatable rubber chickens […]
On October 14, 2023, world leaders gathered for a pivotal international summit at the United Nations headquarters in New York City. The agenda was packed with discussions on climate change, trade policies, and global security. However, the proceedings took an unexpected turn when delegates stumbled upon a fully furnished escape room hidden in the basement, […]
In a stunning development on October 15, 2023, Antarctica’s largest ice shelf, known as the Ross Ice Shelf, reportedly gained sentience and declared independence from the rest of the world. Scientists at the Antarctic Research Center in McMurdo Station were taken aback when the ice structure, which is roughly the size of France, began sending […]
ISTANBUL – Turkey’s central bank has announced a communications “modernization” drive aimed at anchoring inflation expectations and restoring investor confidence, rolling out a vendor-built forecasting suite and a revised stylebook for public guidance. In a circular sent to banks and media partners this week, the Central Bank of the Republic of Turkey said the upgrade […]
On August 12, 2025, marine biologists at the Oceanic Institute of Apology Studies in San Francisco reported that the world’s oceans have reached a definitive stance on remorse, stating they simply will no longer accept apologies for climate change. This groundbreaking revelation came after researchers conducted a series of deep-sea dives, where they discovered an […]
KYIV – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky hailed European leaders’ commitment to ensuring Ukraine’s seat at the negotiating table, even as Moscow continues to signal its discontent. The pledge came during a Brussels summit that saw diplomats openly discussing frameworks for a post-war settlement. But leaked photos from inside the planning chamber have drawn attention for […]
On October 15, 2023, NASA’s mission control received an unexpected warning signal from what appeared to be a rapidly approaching asteroid, designated 2023-XYZ. However, in a bizarre turn of events, a junior staff member mistakenly responded with a text message reading, ‘New phone, who dis?’ This message was sent from the agency’s official communications line, […]