In a move that has left residents of Springfield, Missouri both amused and slightly relieved, a three-year-old Labrador named Snickers was officially sworn in as the town’s new sheriff on September 2, 2025. Amidst the fanfare, one local voter remarked, “At least this dog won’t get caught sniffing cocaine off a hooker’s back in the […]
September 02, 2025 – In an unprecedented move that sent shockwaves through urban planning and offshore banking circles alike, billionaire tech mogul Reginald F. Cashman has purchased the entirety of Bakersfield, California, rebranding it as “Tax Havenistan.” The announcement came shortly after a wild rooftop party at City Hall where half-naked accountants reportedly lit cigars […]
In a groundbreaking announcement on September 2, 2025, local police departments in Los Angeles revealed their latest initiative: a billion-dollar drone surveillance program. Within hours of deployment, the technology was immediately redirected to spy on the officers’ own wives. Sergeant Larry DeVito, who oversees the project, confessed, ‘We just wanted to see if Cheryl was […]
In an unexpected turn of events, the United States Department of Health and Human Services inadvertently released a top-secret document detailing the recipe for a weed-flavored fluoride. The memo, mistakenly attached to a public health email about dental hygiene, has sparked a wild buzz across the nation as citizens now believe their tap water might […]
In a shocking turn of events that has left the local punk scene in downtown Portland reeling, beloved bassist Jimmy “Strings” Daniels was sworn in as a police officer last Thursday after an intimate ceremony involving ceremonial batons and questionable amounts of baby oil. Eyewitnesses report that the event, held at the notorious dive bar […]
The Vatican is buzzing with scandal today, September 02, 2025, as an internal IT audit revealed an unexpected subscriber to the adult entertainment service, MILF Hunter Premium. In a mishap that has left both the digital and divine realms reeling, Pope Francis inadvertently became the first pontiff in history to engage in a monthly subscription […]
OTTAWA – Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney and Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum Pardo are slated to meet this September for what officials are calling a “historic bilateral summit of meaningful silence.” The two leaders, citing a shared interest in “strategic hemispheric cooperation,” confirmed that no official agenda has been set — aside from deliberately not […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a tightly choreographed press conference held just before happy hour, the Department of Justice announced a “historic victory” in cybercrime enforcement: the seizure of $2.8 million in cryptocurrency from the Zeppelin ransomware operation. However, documents obtained through a FOIA request revealed that a significant portion of the funds were accidentally rerouted […]
JUNEAU, AK – Just hours after a tense meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump told reporters that being “steamrolled” was actually a mark of respect, describing it as “how real leaders hug.” The remark came after Fox News said Putin dominated the Alaska summit, speaking twice as long and leaving Trump visibly sidelined. […]
In a groundbreaking move that has left many industry insiders scratching their heads, CEO Jonathan P. Winkleman of TechCorp announced on October 15, 2023, that all employees will now receive their salaries in the form of NFTs representing their own work emails. This innovative compensation strategy aims to elevate employee ownership, although some skeptics question […]