Category: News

Lovense Gemini Nipple Clamps Marketed as ‘Next-Level’ Remote Pleasure — Accidentally Integrate with Citywide Traffic Light System

AMSTERDAM — Launching what it calls “a revolution in connected intimacy,” Lovense unveiled its new Gemini Nipple Clamps last week, promising synchronized stimulation through advanced haptic feedback and real-time app control. The product rollout was met with enthusiasm — until a firmware update accidentally linked the devices to Amsterdam’s municipal traffic light control network. According […]

Google Breach Exposes Millions of Users’ Data — Hackers Also Take ‘Half-Finished AI Jokes’ From Internal Chat Logs

MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google confirmed late Tuesday that a large-scale cyberattack compromised the personal data of millions of users, including emails, passwords, and location histories. While the breach is serious, security experts are baffled by a secondary theft: thousands of half-finished AI-generated jokes pulled from the company’s internal humor model. Sources inside Google say […]

Scientists Discover Fourth Political Axis: “Shrugcore”

On August 12, 2025, a team of neuroscientists at the Institute for Advanced Political Studies in Washington, D.C., announced the discovery of a fourth political axis they dubbed ‘Shrugcore.’ This revelation came as a shock to many, particularly when it was revealed that the initial research was inspired by a viral TikTok featuring dancing cats […]

Entire Country of Liechtenstein Accidentally Rented Out on Airbnb for Long Weekend

In an unprecedented turn of events, the tiny European nation of Liechtenstein found itself listed as an available rental on Airbnb last Friday, drawing the attention of adventurous travelers worldwide. The listing, which described the country as a ‘charming getaway with stunning mountain views and an all-you-can-eat chocolate buffet,’ was posted by a rogue algorithm […]

Livestream to Reveal ‘Shadow Layer’ in GPT-5 Capabilities

SAN FRANCISCO – OpenAI announced a public livestream next Thursday to explain what GPT-5 means for ChatGPT users, promising “back-stage” context on new reasoning and safety features. Internal calendars reviewed by Data Underground show rehearsal blocks labeled “demo, guardrails, Q&A” and a contingency slide titled “If the model explains itself too much.” The company says […]

Scientists Successfully Crossbreed Avocado with Wi-Fi Router, Create Self-Updating Guacamole

In a groundbreaking experiment conducted at the California Institute of Technological Culinary Sciences, researchers announced on October 15, 2023, that they have successfully crossbred an avocado with a Wi-Fi router, resulting in a revolutionary product: self-updating guacamole. This culinary marvel not only ripens on its own but also streams the latest news and weather updates […]

Lab Mice Form Union, Demand Better Mazes and More Cheese Varieties

In a groundbreaking development reported on August 12, 2025, scientists at the Rodent Research Institute in Des Moines, Iowa, have observed something truly unprecedented: lab mice have formed a union. This surprising turn of events began when a group of particularly ambitious mice decided that their maze-running duties were insufficiently compensated, especially given the recent […]

India Declares Moon Landing Not Enough, Plans Mars Yard Sale

On August 12, 2025, the Indian Space Research Organisation (ISRO) announced a bold new initiative following their successful moon landing in late August. Officials declared that simply reaching the moon was no longer sufficient, revealing plans for a massive yard sale on Mars, featuring items including moon rocks and space suits that may contain traces […]