In a lawsuit that has left legal experts clutching their pearls and fast-food enthusiasts shaking their heads, an Illinois woman is suing the popular dating app Tinder for emotional distress after her date took her to an Arby’s in downtown Chicago on their first rendezvous. Sheila Greenberg claims her expectations were utterly defiled when instead […]
In an unusual twist of modern parenting, a man in Portland, Oregon, was reportedly banned from a local Chuck E. Cheese after attempting to pay for pizza and arcade tokens with cocaine and psychedelic mushrooms. The incident unfolded during what witnesses described as a “mind-bending birthday bash,” where the man allegedly confused his stash of […]
In a bold move that feels straight out of an onlyfans campaign, the state of Florida has officially declared every Tuesday as “Public Nudity Day,” effective immediately. This unexpected decree has thrown local municipalities into a frenzy, with residents in Miami Beach eagerly gearing up to showcase their finest au naturel fashion statements. Governor Ron […]
In a move that blends entrepreneurship with erotica, 32-year-old Dominic Parker has risen to the pinnacle of a notorious San Francisco pyramid scheme, slinging luxury vibrators and tech-enhanced pleasure oils. His rapid ascent has shocked the financial world, particularly since Parker’s journey began in a sticky dive bar’s bathroom where he first sold his ‘Orgasm […]
In a shocking turn of events, the serene aisles of the Brooklyn Spiritual Emporium were disrupted when a woman was caught attempting to smuggle an impressive array of dildos into her oversized trench coat. Local police reports from September 02, 2025, indicate that the suspect, who identified herself only as ‘Enlightened Luna,’ claimed the shoplifting […]
September 2, 2025, saw Elon Musk stepping out of a Tesla-branded crib at the unveiling of his newest offspring, X Æ A-16, while surrounded by a throng of journalists. Clad in a robe made entirely of $100 bills and followed by a crew of AI nannies, Musk announced his immediate lawsuit against the infant for […]
In a bizarre twist that could only happen in today’s tech-obsessed world, a billionaire accidentally tattooed his home’s WiFi password across his chest during a wild night out in San Francisco. The incident occurred at ‘Inked & Loaded,’ a tattoo parlor known for its unique blend of body art and cocktail service. Witnesses claim that […]
On September 2, 2025, the good people of Milwaukee found themselves unwitting extras in a real-life biblical production when Satan, donning a tailored Armani suit, inaugurated his new brewery by offering free samples in exchange for their immortal souls—or at least their dignity. Located conveniently between a sex shop and a rehab center, Lucifer’s Lager […]
In a bizarre twist of events that could only happen in a world where porn categories outnumber actual human interests, a local man from Austin, Texas, was pronounced dead after participating in the notorious ‘Hellfire Tongue Torture’ hot sauce challenge. Witnesses claim that at precisely the moment he achieved ghost pepper nirvana, his body went […]
In an unprecedented mix-up last Sunday, Pastor Jim Brantley from the First Church of Righteous Decisions in Des Moines accidentally broadcasted his weekly sermon to a live audience on OnlyFans. The congregation, accustomed to Brantley’s firebrand preaching on salvation and sin, was reportedly stunned when his usual pulpit performance was interspersed with pop-up ads for […]