Dog Starts Punk Band, Immediately Signed to Sub Pop

SEATTLE—In an unprecedented move that has sent shockwaves through both the music industry and pet grooming circles, a border collie named Buster started a punk band called “Fur-tality” and was promptly signed by Sub Pop Records. Witnesses claim the dog began barking along rhythmically to a Sex Pistols record during a routine checkup at Emerald City Vet Clinic. Dr. Sasha Morales reported, “One moment I’m giving him his rabies shot, the next he’s howling like Johnny Rotten on amphetamines.”

As word spread faster than fleas in a mosh pit, it became clear this four-legged dynamo wasn’t just howling in tune but also drawing up contracts with his slobbering paw. Sub Pop’s spokesperson, Maxine Talbot, said, “Buster is the voice of a generation—specifically, the generation that sniffs each other’s butts as a greeting.” The label quickly penned a deal, with no fewer than six chew toys included in the royalties.

While skeptics question whether society is ready for canine-fronted anthems like “Sniff You Later” and “Bone of Contention,” experts suggest we might need this cultural shake-up. With humans spending more time working remotely, often using questionable productivity tools like the Holographic Hamster Motivator app, maybe it’s time our pets took the cultural lead. “If corporations can have AI-generated CEOs,” mused Dr. Morales, “why can’t dogs disrupt the music scene?”

Sub Pop plans to release Fur-tality’s debut album, “Fetch the Chaos,” within six months. Early test audiences were mesmerized by Buster’s unique barking style, known as Barkcore—a niche subgenre believed to increase serotonin levels and cause spontaneous tail wagging in fans aged 18-34. The band has reportedly inspired new trends in pet fashion, including studded collars and leather dog vests.

Buster’s next gig will be live-streamed from his favorite fire hydrant on 4th Avenue. Rumors suggest he may debut his latest song titled “Kibble Revolution.” Whether or not Fur-tality will go down in history as punk legends or merely novelty acts remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure: This dog’s days of fetching slippers are officially over.