In a Brooklyn bar renowned for craft beers and disappointing first dates, Jake Sorensen, a local crypto enthusiast, found himself abruptly abandoned mid-sentence by his Tinder date last night. The sudden departure occurred just as he detailed the intricacies of a decentralized autonomous orgasm protocol. Witnesses reported that his date’s eyes glazed over faster than a Tesla on autopilot speeding past a speed limit sign.
Jake, unfazed by the abrupt exit, continued his monologue on blockchain lubricants to an audience of bewildered cocktail napkins. ‘You see, this technology is revolutionary,’ Jake was overheard saying. ‘It’s like climaxing with compound interest.’ His date reportedly left a Yelp review stating, ‘Tried explaining Bitcoin mining but didn’t know when to pull out.’
This incident highlights a growing issue in urban dating scenes where tech enthusiasts fail to gauge romantic interest versus disinterest at pivotal conversational points. A recent study from the National Institute of Social Awkwardness reveals that 78% of cryptocurrency fanatics are ghosted before their second beer arrives. The institute advises tech-savvy daters to engage in ‘verbal foreplay’ unrelated to blockchain or NFTs.
Despite this social faux pas, Jake remains optimistic about the potential applications of crypto in enhancing interpersonal relationships. He insists that using smart contracts could eliminate the need for prenups and post-date texting anxiety, although critics argue it’s just another form of emotional circumcision. Nonetheless, Jake believes he’s pioneering a movement that combines digital currency with carnal knowledge.
As the digital age advances and dating norms evolve, experts predict that discussions involving cryptos will either become as ubiquitous as debates over pineapple on pizza or cause humanity’s ultimate demise via boredom-induced cataclysm. In either case, Jake’s Tinder tale reminds us all: never explain crypto during happy hour unless you’re ready to foot the bill solo.
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