Residents of Salina, Kansas woke up to an unexpected visitor early this morning when a UFO landed smack dab in the middle of a wheat field. The extraterrestrial craft, described by eyewitnesses as “a shiny metallic donut with a penchant for probing,” immediately drew attention—not least because it unleashed an audio-visual display featuring the Bee Gees’ greatest hits. Local farmer Daryl Jenkins reported, “I was just about to milk Bessie when this thing came down like it was looking to start a rave or something.” Within minutes, however, the craft took off again as if realizing its egregious miscalculation.
Dr. Linda Caldwell of NASA’s ‘We Swear This Is Science’ Division confirmed the incident in a hastily arranged press conference. “The aliens seemed to have made a grievous navigational error,” she remarked, wiping residual glitter off her clipboard. “Once they realized they’d landed in Kansas and not somewhere interesting like New York or even Nebraska, they departed with what could only be described as intergalactic embarrassment.” An internal memo from the craft reportedly stated: “Our bad. We thought Toto was still hot here.”
Analysts speculate that the aliens were initially attracted by Kansas’ impressive flatness, mistaking it for an ideal landing strip. In what some are calling a blow to human dignity, Kansas has become a popular spot for alien pit stops due to its unremarkable terrain and low likelihood of encountering anything more stimulating than cornfields and silence. “At least Roswell had intrigue,” commented Rick Sanchez, director of Alien Public Relations at Area 51. “Here, we’re just trying not to offend the cosmos.”
According to experts, the UFO’s brief touchdown has already sparked economic interest within Salina’s local government. Mayor Judy Watkins sees potential for tourism dollars with plans to establish an “Alien Vibes Festival,” promising both country music and extraterrestrial-themed cocktails like the ‘Martian Moonshine.’ Initial studies suggest possible side effects for locals attending such events include unexplained sleep dancing and irrational desires to adopt Southern accents.
The incident has left residents pondering existential questions about their place in the universe—or at least their place on Yelp. “If even aliens aren’t sticking around,” mused Jenkins as he milked Bessie under a now alien-free sky, “maybe it’s time we get that Starbucks after all.” Whether or not Kansas will capitalize on its newfound reputation remains to be seen, but one thing’s certain: somewhere in deep space, there’s an extraterrestrial GPS system due for an upgrade.
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