September 02, 2025 — In a groundbreaking study conducted at the University of Southern California, researchers have discovered that cocaine use significantly enhances bowling scores. The report, funded by an anonymous benefactor rumored to be a former bowling champion with a penchant for both strikes and snorts, reveals that bowlers who indulged in moderate lines […]
On September 2, 2025, a punk-rock enthusiast was discovered living covertly in the amplifier room of a Guitar Center in downtown Los Angeles. Authorities stumbled upon the squatter while investigating reports of suspicious noises that resembled a cross between a Sex Pistols tribute band and feral cats mating. Law enforcement officials confirmed that the individual, […]
In an incident that would make even Sid Vicious blush, a seventh-grade student at Lincoln Middle School in Columbus, Ohio, incited a lunchroom mosh pit that resulted in chaos and several spilled trays of questionable beef stroganoff. Witnesses say the pint-sized punk pulled off his hoodie to reveal a spiked leather vest before launching himself […]
In a surprising twist of divine intervention or sheer stoner ingenuity, a local man attempting to smuggle weed into the Vatican inadvertently started a new religion on September 2, 2025. The man, identified only as ‘Brother Buzz’, hid several grams of high-quality cannabis within the pages of a Holy Bible, ironically turning the Good Book […]
In a stunning turn of events, 82-year-old Mildred Thompson from Topeka, Kansas was arrested yesterday after authorities uncovered a fully operational meth lab in her basement. When questioned about the illicit operation, Thompson nonchalantly explained that she was simply supplementing her “bingo money.” Neighbors were stunned but noted her recent prowess at the weekly church […]
In a shocking turn of events, the punk band ‘Toilet Rebellion’ made Grammy history by clinching the award for Best New Album, an accolade earned entirely from recording in the putrid confines of a gas station bathroom. Located just off I-95 in Newark, New Jersey, the band’s creative sanctuary featured artistic elements such as a […]
In an unexpected twist, the underground music scene of Portland has been thrown into chaos as local drummer Max ‘Thunderstick’ Thompson announced his departure from the band The Gutterbugs to pursue a full-time career as a sex toy influencer. Known for his frantic beats and the uncanny ability to play while flipping off hecklers, Thunderstick […]
PORTLAND, OR—In the early hours of Sunday, a fire erupted at The Broken Needle punk house, ignited by a malfunctioning sex toy plugged into an overloaded power strip that also powered a neon “anarchy” sign. As the fire spread, residents found themselves in a spirited debate—should they save the few remaining shreds of dignity by […]
In a bizarre twist of fate straight out of a porn parody, a punk rocker from Portland, Oregon has unintentionally catalyzed a military coup in the small nation of San Tabasco. It all started when Billy “Razor” McClintock, known for his Mohawk and devotion to ramen noodles, signed up for the U.S. Army because he […]
In a shocking turn of events at the Los Angeles Department of Motor Vehicles, a local punk rocker was apprehended for inciting a full-scale circle pit in the middle of the waiting area on September 2, 2025. Witnesses reported the chaos began shortly after the man, clad in a leather jacket with the slogan “DMV […]