PORTLAND, OR—In a stunning turn of events that could only unfold in the eccentric corners of the Rose City, a local punk known as Razor Eddie has ingeniously transformed his anarchist commune’s basement into an illegal casino, complete with slot machines that dispense edible marijuana gummies and blackjack tables manned by scantily clad mannequins. Razor […]
In an unprecedented turn of events at Franklin High, a tinder incident flared up when junior punk rocker Jamie “Sticks” Callahan wielded drumsticks like a Viking berserker during the annual dodgeball tournament, resulting in his expulsion. Witnesses report that Callahan, a part-time drummer and full-time anarchist, turned the gym into a medieval battlefield, launching rubber […]
In a shocking turn of events, a notorious punk house in Portland, Oregon was mistakenly declared a federal disaster zone by FEMA, leaving residents bewildered and knee-deep in disaster relief porn—literally. According to the agency’s preliminary reports, officials were supposed to assess damage from a recent storm but instead flagged the dilapidated building due to […]
In a shocking twist of literary events, a local punk enthusiast plunged into an impromptu mosh pit at the New York Public Library, breaking both legs and possibly shattering the Dewey Decimal System. Witnesses report that the punk, later identified as a member of the underground band ‘Dewey Decibels,’ launched himself from the top of […]
In a shocking turn of events at a local waffle house, 82-year-old Edna Fitzgerald revved her mobility scooter past the finish line to clinch the title of Champion at the underground drag race, an event that was initially mistaken for a charity walk-a-thon. The unexpected victory took the internet by storm, resulting in Edna becoming […]
The stench hit like a brick wall of nostalgia and bad decisions. Rabid Ferret, Portland’s loudest anarcho-punk band, aborted their North American tour today after discovering their tour van reeked like a strip club’s litter box. “It’s like a feline orgy gone wrong,” lead singer Johnny Nails lamented, lighting his ninth cigarette of the hour […]
In a bold move that reeks of rebellion and yesterday’s Chinese takeout, Ratface, a self-proclaimed anarchist, has declared a dumpster behind Portland’s notorious strip club, Casa Diablo, as his new “luxury loft” as of September 02, 2025. With a collection of stolen milk crates and a used mattress undoubtedly infused with questionable bodily fluids, Ratface […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — In an unexpected twist, 82-year-old Margaret “Grammy” Thompson has become the unlikely star of the electronic dance music scene after a freak accident involving her grandson’s DJ equipment and a highly potent marijuana edible. Within minutes of accidentally ingesting the potent treat, Grammy found herself behind the decks at Los Angeles’ […]
In Tallahassee, Florida, Mildred Jenkins, an 82-year-old grandmother known for her knitting and sharp tongue, unwittingly launched a sexual revolution during her weekly bake sale when her cannabis brownies turned into a potent aphrodisiac. Within moments of consumption, the church hall was transformed into a scene that could only be described as Fifty Shades of […]
In a bewildering twist befitting the chaotic energy of San Francisco’s underground scene, local punk rocker Johnny ‘Blaze’ Thompson was apprehended late last night for attempting to smoke weed out of a fire extinguisher at the legendary dive bar, The Slippery Slope. Authorities stumbled upon Thompson mid-puff, eyes glazed and reeking of both marijuana and […]