In a shocking turn of events more suited to a wild LSD trip than reality, Boise, Idaho resident Trevor Jenkins was hospitalized after attempting to vape an entire family-sized bag of Doritos using a contraption that can only be described as a bong from the fifth circle of hell. Witnesses report that the 28-year-old had been egged on by a group of equally inebriated friends, who cheered as he sucked down the cheesy vapor with reckless abandon, unaware that his lungs were about to become a nacho-flavored battleground.
Emergency services were called to Jenkins’ residence when he began gasping for air like a fish out of water, wheezing out fumes that left a lingering aroma of processed cheese. Dr. Linda Carver, the attending physician at St. Luke’s Medical Center, described the scene upon arrival as “a culinary crime scene,” noting that Jenkins’ homemade device was constructed from an unholy fusion of a leaf blower, duct tape, and what looked suspiciously like a modified sex toy. “His lungs were filled with a substance that, frankly, we normally see on the floor of a taco joint,” Carver said with a bemused shake of her head.
This incident sheds light on a growing subculture of culinary daredevils who take gastronomic experimentation to dangerously absurd levels, often fueled by social media platforms like TikTok. The FDA has yet to formally regulate the vaping of solid foods, although spokesperson Janet Tupperware warned of the dangers of transforming one’s diet into aerosol form. “Aside from the obvious health risks, you’re also inhaling a concentrated dose of junk food shame,” she commented with a grimace, adding that a new category of ‘vaporized obesity’ may soon emerge in medical textbooks.
Jenkins’ escapade was facilitated by his custom-built apparatus, which reportedly reached temperatures that could melt lead, rendering his Dorito vapor clouds akin to inhaling Satan’s own flatulence. Tech enthusiasts and snack companies alike are reportedly in a frenzied race to develop the first FDA-approved ‘Snack Vaporizer’, with insiders hinting at features like ‘flavor bursts’ and ‘no-mess munching’—a stark reminder of capitalism’s relentless march into the surreal.
As Jenkins recuperates, regaling hospital staff with tales of his misadventure, his story serves as both a warning and a meme-worthy legend. The local community may not remember Trevor Jenkins for his culinary prowess, but they will certainly recall the man who dared to vape Doritos, turning his lungs into a spicy nightmare that even Satan would think twice about inhaling. In a world gone mad, perhaps it’s fitting that our new cautionary folk heroes are born from snack aisles, not battlefields.
Leave a Reply