LVIV, UKRAINE – What began as a diplomatic “solidarity gathering” with beer, folk music, and a modest outdoor tent quickly spiraled into one of the most controversial episodes of Ukraine’s wartime diplomacy. Multiple European diplomats woke up Saturday morning aboard an unmarked NATO transport aircraft, groggy and confused, headed to an unscheduled summit with former […]
KYIV, UKRAINE – President Volodymyr Zelenskyy reaffirmed his country’s territorial integrity on Sunday by refusing to cede control of a disputed region that, by most accounts, does not exist. The contested land, labeled “Zone Undefined” in NATO logistics software and “Probably Forest” by Russian state TV, has never seen conflict – or confirmation that it […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A wave of conservative celebration swept across Capitol Hill Friday as new labor data confirmed the U.S. job market has fully regressed to its most traditional form: a charming split between self-employed artisans, incarcerated laborers, and the quietly perished. “This is what freedom looks like,” said Rep. Nathaniel Bork (R-TN), raising a […]
ANCHORAGE, AK – During a summit that was billed as a historic chance for peace talks, Fox News analysts concluded that Russian President Vladimir Putin “steamrolled” former U.S. President Donald Trump in Alaska. While Putin, speaking first, delivered nearly nine minutes of prepared remarks, Trump spoke for barely three, leaving many observers unsettled by the […]
WASHINGTON, D.C. – A federal judge has issued an emergency injunction against Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr., halting the Department of Health and Human Services from sharing Medicaid enrollment data with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). The ruling, delivered late Friday, calls the department’s actions “a gross misuse of public trust cloaked in detox […]
Thousands of protesters converged on Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s residence in Jerusalem, but instead of chanting slogans, they formed a massive human QR code visible from the air. Scanning the code redirected users to a website titled ‘The Receipts,’ hosting a sprawling archive of alleged corruption documents. The demonstration, coordinated via encrypted group chats, caused […]
GENEVA – Researchers at CERN announced Thursday that they’ve identified a rare diamond with the potential to revolutionize open-source quantum sensing – or fetch “at least six bills, easy” at a pawn shop off I-35, depending on how things shake out. The 11.7-carat stone, discovered embedded in the floor tile of a discontinued vape pen […]
In a surprising turn of events on August 11, 2025, the homeless population of Washington, D.C. expressed unexpected relief upon learning that former President Donald Trump and his cabinet will be relocating to an undisclosed location. The announcement, delivered in a brief statement from the Trump Transition & Relocation Office, did not specify the date […]
In a move that shocked even the most seasoned space enthusiasts, Elon Musk’s SpaceX today launched a Falcon Heavy rocket filled with nude photographs of the billionaire himself. The payload, humorously dubbed ‘Mission Full Exposure,’ was sent skyward from Cape Canaveral as Musk asserted it was a revolutionary leap for scientific advancement in the field […]
On August 12, 2025, a team of neuroscientists at the Institute for Advanced Political Studies in Washington, D.C., announced the discovery of a fourth political axis they dubbed ‘Shrugcore.’ This revelation came as a shock to many, particularly when it was revealed that the initial research was inspired by a viral TikTok featuring dancing cats […]